


Kémya

by CypressWand



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Black Lake, Hogwarts, Middle Earth, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:13:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22468447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CypressWand/pseuds/CypressWand
Summary: They used to be friends. After their fight near the end of their fifth year at Hogwarts, they drifted apart as strangers. He had chosen his path, and she had chosen hers, never to meet again. But sometimes the story of two people isn't over after they go their separate ways. Not when their paths cross once more in the most unlikely of places. At the bottom of a Great Lake.
Relationships: Albus Dumbledore/Gellert Grindelwald, Lily Evans Potter/Severus Snape
Comments: 49
Kudos: 39





	1. Thursday the 1st of September 1977

***This is a test chapter!***

**This fic is still being worked on and these chapters may change. I am testing the reception of different things and will continue to post chapters and finalize various things as I go. I hope you enjoy the story and let me know what you think.**

A/N This is a Harry Potter/Lord of the Rings (and a little hint of Narnia) cross-over. Kémi in the Quenya language of Tolkien means "mother earth." In this story, the ring Kémya (earth [Hufflepuff]) symbolises the "fourth" ring that was given to the elves, alongside Narya (fire [Gryffindor]), Vilya (air [Ravelclaw]) and Nenya (water [Slytherin]). This story will delve deeply into the lore of Harry Potter and the Lord of the Rings combined.

This story is centred around Severus Snape and Lily Evans and starts during the beginning of their seventh year at Hogwarts. Regarding the Lord of the Rings, I try to make it as movie-fan friendly as possible so that anyone can enjoy this fic. Any side-lore will be explained in Author's Notes at the bottom of each chapter.

Of course, this is fanfiction, meaning that not everything you know from canon will be canon this time around.

This fic is M-rated. It will contain abuse, fight scenes and sexual content.

* * *

Soot rising from the steam train blackened the sunny summer sky. Platform Nine and Three-Quarters was crowded. Too crowded. With a stifled wave into the direction of his mother Eileen, Severus Snape slithered his way through the crowd in search of an empty compartment. Eventually, he found one near the back. He tossed his old trunk onto the overhead compartment, slammed the door shut, which caused the window in the door to rattle in anger, and whipped out his wand. 'Colloportus,' he hissed. A sound followed by a lock falling into place. 'Muffliato,' he added. The noise that surrounded him faded into nothing. He slumped down on a seat and shifted away from the window and out of the sunlight as far as humanly possible. The train-ride to Hogsmeade was the last moment of peace he was going to have for a very long time, and he was determined to make it last until the wheels stopped turning.

From the inner pocket of his Hogwarts school robes he pulled out a book he had picked from his mother's bookshelf. He hadn't bothered opening it yet, figuring he could probably read it front to back for the duration of the ride. He had been reading a lot, lately, locked inside his room at Spinner's End. Avoiding any sort of contact with the outside world.

A flash of curly red hair was all it took to tick him off these days. He had tried to avoid Lily Evans as much as he could this past summer. And yet, Merlin-knows-how, he had caught glimpses of her more often than the summer before that. Every time his mother had dragged him out of his room and forced him to buy groceries, she somehow wound up at the same market at the exact same time. He had seen her drive by in her family's car on a near-daily basis. He had seen her playing with her neighbour's children at the playground. _Their playground_. He even tried to go down to Cokeworth's riverbank for some peace and quiet on a particularly hot day, only to discover that she was there, lying spread-eagled on the grass with her nuisance of a sister, and had cowered back into the shadows.

Severus looked down at the book he was holding. The tips of his sleek black hair touching the tips of his fingers as he opened it. It was yet another book on curses and jinxes. His mother had accumulated a lot of those books over the years, trying to figure out a way to get rid of her Muggle husband in the most horrid way possible. It was nothing more than wishful thinking. She never used her magic anymore. She no longer could.

Through the curtain of his hair, Severus caught, once again, a glimpse of the familiar red in the corner of his eye. Lily was looking right at him, mouthing words at him he couldn't hear. The sight of her green eyes flashing at him in anger caused his heart to ache. He knew she wanted to speak to him again. She had tried every single time they encountered one another back in Cokeworth, but he couldn't bring himself utter a single word at her, so he would turn his back – and run away.

Lily clearly wasn't taking no for an answer. She continued to bang soundlessly against the door, her hair dancing around her in fury. ' _Let me in Severus Snape!_ ' He didn't need to hear her to know what she was saying. The venomous emphasis on his name lingered in the air and left a bitter taste in his mouth.

Severus was experienced enough to know that if you ignored something long enough, it doesn't just go away. His father had made certain he knew the meaning of that lesson. Still, that didn't stop him from wishing that Lily would simply disappear from his life. Everything would've been easier if they had never met. Pretending she didn't exist was the only way to cope. If only she had never been his first and only friend.

He closed his eyes, delving deep into his soul as he searched for a tiny fleck of courage. Something that would still deem him worthy enough of looking her in the eye without falling to his knees in shame. 'Don't,' he muttered under his breath. Not that she was able to hear what he was saying. 'I need you to hate me. Just –'

_Potter_. James Potter had caught sight of her fury and was trying to pull her away from the window, telling her he wasn't worth the trouble while shooting angry glances at him as he tried to drag her off.

Any hands but _his_.

With the reflexes of a cat, Severus tossed the book aside, unlocked the door with a swift flick of his wand and jammed a fist into Potter's stomach, catching him entirely off-guard. Before Potter was able to reach for his own wand, Lily jumped at the opportunity to slide her way into Severus's compartment while pushing him back in with her. With an elegant flick of her wrist she closed the door behind her, which slid back into its lock. She cast a Darkening Charm on the windows, making it appear as if night-time had suddenly fallen around them while blocking Potter from view.

Though standing taller than her, Severus felt awfully small in her presence. The sudden silence was so overwhelming he could hear his own heartbeat pounding in his chest. 'What?' he said timidly as he sat back down again, not daring to look her in the eye.

'It's been over a year,' she said as she sat down across from him, her voice shaking with anger. ' _A year_ , since you've uttered but a single word to me, _Severus_. Do you have any idea what it feels like to have my parents asking about you, _every single day_ , not knowing how to answer them? Even Tuney, who _hates_ your guts, has expressed her concerns about your absence. Even professor _bloody_ Slughorn has sent me an owl, expressing how worried he is about you, asking for answers and –'

Of all the things he had expected Lily to do, bursting out into tears wasn't one of them. He knew her as the confident one. The one who didn't shy away when life got rough. The one capable of carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders without breaking – as if she were Atlas and he was but a mere mortal finding comfort in the shadow of her world. She buried her face in her hands, tears leaking through the cracks of her fingers. 'You've been horrible to me,' she whimpered, 'and I have been horrible to you, too. You shouldn't have said what you did and I shouldn't have laughed, and I know, _I know_ that I will never be okay with the path that you have chosen for yourself, nor the friends you've made –'

'They're not my friends,' said Severus, desperate for her to stop her rambling. 'Lily, I…' Her name felt like a razor touching the tip of his tongue.

Lily looked up from her tear-stained hands. Her eyes had turned to grey in the dimmed light of the compartment. Even in her moment of weakness, Severus thought she was mesmerizing. 'I just want to be nine years old again,' she whispered to him. 'All I want is for you to lay down on that grass by the riverbank with me, telling me stories about Hogwarts. Surround ourselves with innocent magic. Have you make the seeds of the maple trees fly like little birds. Please, Severus…'

Severus was fumbling with his hair. After their falling out by the end of their fifth year, he had taught himself the art of Occlumency. The pain of Lily leaving his side had left a gaping black hole where his heart used to be. The stench of sorrow and self-pity was too much to carry around. He was done feeling. Feeling anything, really. And yet, Lily's tongue was a hammer, smashing her words through the many walls he had built up from within.

He felt a tremor travelling down from his spine to the tips of his fingers. The sickening feeling of heartbreak started to rise from the pit of his stomach, forcing him to clench his jaws. Preventing him from wanting to scream that he would trade his magic if it meant that he could spend one more day with her – lying on that grass by the riverbank, without a care in the world. He, too, wished to be nine years old again. Talking to her about Hogwarts. Making the seeds of the maple trees fly, leaving her in awe.

A sea of guilt washed over him as his dark eyes locked into hers. He knew that his walls would crumble down the moment he faced her. Fighting hard against the tears that were prickling in the corners of his eyes, he swallowed. 'The path I've chosen is not a bridge, Lily. I cannot walk back halfway now that I have made my choice.'

'Please, tell me if there's something I can do.' It was clear she was no longer shedding tears. She was thinking ahead. Her mind set on the future, like she always did. 'I'll help you transfer to another school abroad, if I must. If that's what it takes.'

Her words were heartfelt – and genuine. There were so many things that he wanted to say to her. How desperately he wanted her back in his life. To take her by the hand and find comfort in her strength. Tell her that he was merely following the Dark Lord's cause so he could protect her from the other side, even if it meant that she would hate him forever. But he couldn't. He wouldn't dare to tell her that he loved her. Love was a word pinned down by a prickly thorn in his throat. It had never surpassed his lips, even to his own mother.

'Just leave me alone.' His voice was soft as he spoke.

'Why?' Lily snapped. 'Why can't you see that I want to make amends? Treat each other respectively like the adults that we are now. For you to sit beside me at mum and dad's dinner table. Laughing about stupid things. I haven't seen you smile in years, Severus.'

He hated how _perfectly_ imperfect she was. Lily was anything but a saint. Kind and cheerful as she may be, she was also ill-tempered and naïve. And pushy. Knowingly capable of shaking salt in hidden wounds, just to spark a reaction. She had often done it to pull him out of his spiralling misery. He would be furious – and she would smile, because she achieved to make him do the one thing he didn't want to do. To feel. She had seen him angered till his knuckles stained the walls red. She had seen him elated. Picking her up and spinning her around as she made him laugh till his ribs cracked. She had seen him sob and cry in agony until he fainted from the pain. She had seen the best and the worst of him, all because of who she is. He hated it.

'Leave me alone,' he repeated.

Why?' said Lily, more harshly this time. 'I don't want this to be the end of it. I don't want –'

'—Because it's hurts, Lily!' said Severus, his voice cracking with emotion. 'Can't you see that it hurts when you ask me to be your friend again? I can't do it, pretending that nothing happened when every choice I've made along the way has led me to who, and what I am today. I can't bow down now. I can't run off to some other school and start all over. I can't do it. _I can't_...'

Lily leaned forward. She raised up her arm and placed a freckled hand on his cheek, wiping away a stray tear with her thumb that was travelling down to the tip of his hooked nose. 'I'll go,' she said, 'on one condition.'

' _Don't_ ,' said Severus, but his voice grew weak under her touch.

Lily wiped off his stray tears on her robes. 'Sit with me during Slughorn's lessons,' she said. 'Brew potions with me again. We don't need to speak, but I could really use your help to pass my N.E.W.T.s.'

The warm pressure of her hand still lingered on his face. 'You don't need my help.' He felt the corners of his lips curl into a smile. He forced them down again. 'You're as capable as I am.'

Lily shook her head. 'That's not the point, and you know it. Just be with me, okay? That's all I ask.'

'Perhaps.'

'I'll leave you alone.' She stood up from the couch and briefly squeezed his hand in reassurance. Without looking back, she unlocked the door. The Darkening Charm was lifted, the sunlight stinging in his eyes.

Potter had been waiting for her on the other side with his wand out, ready to strike in case their private conversation had turned ugly. The last thing Severus heard was Lily snapping at him and stomping off as he trudged behind her like a kicked puppy. Both defeated by her Charm.

* * *

A/N It's the start of Severus and Lily's 7th and last year at Hogwarts. His birthday is on the 9th of January and hers on the 30th of January, meaning they are both 17 and can already do magic in and out of school.

A/N Rowling Bloomsbury interview (30th of July 2007)  
\- Did Lily ever have feelings back for Snape?  
"Yes. She might even have grown to love him romantically (she certainly loved him as a friend) if he had not loved Dark Magic so much and had been drawn to such loathsome people and acts."


	2. The Hufflepuff Watchtower

_Ice cold. Carved from marble. Solid as a rock. Unyielding._ Up high in the Gryffindor tower, locked inside the girls' bathroom, was Lily. She was splashing hot water in her face while muttering quiet insults at Severus, who was far, far down below her, crawling around in the bowels of the castle _. Stupid bat. Waste of talent. Slippery snake._ A new insult had formed with each drop of water that dripped from her hair. But through the stream of insults, she also muttered words of kindness. She couldn't help it. Severus was so much more than that. _Hard working. Still waters. Well mannered. Protective_.

He hadn't even glanced at her _once_ during the feast. She knew he hadn't, because she couldn't stop glancing at him while he was making conversation with those bloody soon-to-be Death Eater friends of his. _Him as well_ , she thought, her nostrils flaring at the very idea of it. She knew he wouldn't get the Dark Mark until after he had graduated from Hogwarts. There was still time left to save him from himself. _Hero-complex_ , Lily huffed to herself _. Mum's right_. _It's not your job to save people from themselves._

But this is Severus. She scrubbed her body till her skin was raw. _Infuriating_. Another word to add to the list that pieced Severus together. _Thought-provoking. Explosive energy. Gentle_. She had wanted him to see her. Look at her. _Really_ look at her. To give her some sort of acknowledgement that he would stick to his end of the deal. Not that she had given him much of a choice in that endeavour. She forced it on him. It was wrong of her to do so. She knew that much, but her desire to reconnect had won the battle with her inner voice of reason.

'Are you doin' alright, love?' Alice was flicking her fingers against the shower curtain to catch her attention. 'You've been scrubbin' yourself for nearly an hour.'

Where Lily possessed kindness, Alice was the embodiment of Kindness. 'I'm not alright, Alice,' she answered. 'Could you hand me a towel?'

Alice stuck a large red towel through a gap of the curtain. 'Just put on yer pyjamas and Mary and I will meet ye in our dorm, alright?'

'I will,' said Lily. The last thing she wanted was to talk about Severus with her friends. He was nothing more than a slimy git to them. They didn't know him the way she did.

She found Alice and Mary sitting cross-legged on her four-poster bed, gossiping. 'Yer face is as red as yer hair,' said Alice as she looked up, and patted with her hand on the mattress. 'Sit down.'

'I don't want to talk about anything,' said Lily as she sat down. Alice had taken the liberty of combing with her fingers through her hair, braiding it. Her touch was comforting. 'Just continue where you left off.'

'I heard rumours that Emma Vanity, Slytherin's Quidditch captain,' Mary explained, 'might be a Muggle-born witch.'

'If she really is,' said Lily, 'it would be better if no-one found out about it. Being Muggle-born is hard enough as it is. Being a Muggle-born in Slytherin is another.'

Alice nodded in agreement. 'Poor girl. Maybe it's a good thing this is also her final year at Hogwarts.'

'Isn't she dating Evan Rosier?' asked Alice. 'His family is listed among the Sacred Twenty-Eight. Would be strange if he were knowingly dating someone of her birth.'

'That would be strange,' Mary agreed. 'She's resilient, though, which is probably what attracts him to her in the first place. Really knows how to lead a team. She's a hard one to knock of her broom, too. Then again, most of the time I can't decide between her or knocking James of his high horse.'

The three young women burst out into a fit of giggles. 'Back on the train,' said Lily, still laughing, 'you should've seen what Sev did to Ja—no, no never mind that.' The laughter had died as soon as it had begun. 'What have the two of you been up to, this summer?' she asked, desperate to turn the conversation.

'Travelling around with mum and dad,' Mary answered with a shrug. 'It's a lot easier to do now that I can Apparate. That's about it, really. Nothing special.'

'Lily, don't do this,' said Alice sternly. She started braiding the other side of Lily's hair. 'I can see what yer trying te do. Just out with it.'

'I _hate_ being seventeen,' said Lily. She could feel the frustration boiling up inside of her and was annoyed by how whiney she sounded. 'It is literally the _worst_ age. You're an adult, but the rest of the world doesn't see it that way. And then there's the fact that I'm Muggle-born. And based on that I must make decisions that I never wanted to make. Like going into hiding after graduating from Hogwarts, which I really _don't_ want to do. And – _aaargh_!'

'If you're going to scream, at least scream into a pillow,' said Mary as she tossed a red velvet pillow on Lily's lap. 'Don't want to alarm the rest of the House now, do we?'

Lily took a hold of the pillow and continued to scream, leaving nothing but muffled grunts echoing through the dormitory. 'We've all been there love,' said Alice with a reassuring pat on her back. 'Well, being seventeen, I mean. It really does suck.'

…o0o…

Lessons weren't going to start until the following Monday, leaving the castle with a rare three-day weekend to enjoy. Lily figured out soon enough that Severus hadn't bothered leaving the Slytherin common room on Friday and Saturday, but on Sunday she managed to trace him to the library. She found him in a dusty corner, hunched over a book. The tip of his nose nearly touching the paper. His hair forming a curtain around him, secluding him from the outside world.

Lily huffed. She lost count the amount of times she'd told him to bring the book _up_ to his face, rather than his face _down_ to the book. The excessive reading is what had caused the slight arch in his back to grow in a more permanent position. If it got any worse, he might start to reassemble the witches from the Muggle fairy-tales she read as a child. Merlin have mercy on him.

'Have you seen the new schedule yet?' she asked, pretending he must have seen her standing there all along.

Severus looked up with a jolt, gasping for breath. Lily had nearly forgotten. Not only did the outside world no longer exist when he read. He also forgot how to breathe. 'Please, _never_ —'

'—Well? Have you?' said Lily, refusing to turn away from casual conversation. 'Looks like you're going to have an awful time, trying to avoid me. There's Arithmancy, Potions – of course, Herbology _and_ Defense Against the Dark Arts. Four out of seven core subjects we'll be sharing together.'

'What is it that you're trying to achieve here?' said Severus, annoyed. His eyes shifted uncomfortably around her, noticing Rosier, Avery and Mulciber staring back at him.

Lily tilted her head. 'Care to join me on the Quidditch pitch? Gryffindor's team is practising and Mary's going to try to knock James off his broom. We've been watching her do that since she joined the team in our third year. It was fun.'

'Promise me you won't talk too much?' Severus brought his voice down to a whisper. 'I can't be seen leaving with you. I'll meet you down there later, okay?'

'Bring your book,' said Lily, satisfied with his answer.

'We're not supposed to take books out on the school gr—'

But Lily had already turned around on the balls of her feet and made her way to the exit. Something light was warming her up on the inside. He said he'd come. That was enough.

She climbed her way up the many staircases of the Hufflepuff watchtower. The wind danced with her hair once she had reached the top. The cool breeze a welcoming distraction from the summer sun. She looked at the tops of the deciduous trees in the Forbidden Forest. The green slowly painting itself to various shades of red and gold. Autumn was right around the corner. It felt peaceful.

_Quiet_. Another word. Severus had arrived, unnoticeably. Overdressed al always. Lily knew it was because of the marks his father had left on him over the years. As if his father had carved his own name onto his son's skin with the lashes of a whip. Like property. Branded like cattle, like the Dark Lord marked his followers. The only kind of life he knew. She wondered, in the darker part of her being, if he found a strange comfort in being used and abused. To know your place. She didn't know her own place in this world. At least he did.

'Has any blood been spilled yet?' Severus asked as he sat down beside her. He didn't look at her. Instead, he traced Potter on the field like an annoying fly, who wasn't hard to find, as he had the fastest and most expensive broom in the entire castle.

'No broken noses as of yet,' Lily answered. 'James's is too fast for Mary to chase. She's going after Sirius now.'

'Maybe she could make them collide. Have them bash each other's faces in.'

'Mind if I take a look at your book?'

Severus handed it to her. 'I can _feel_ madam Pince breathing down my neck.'

'That's just the wind, Severus,' said Lily dryly. ' _Winogrand's Wondrous Water Plants_ by Selina Sapworthy. Do we need this for Potions or Herbology?'

'Preferably both.'

'Preferably?'

'Most of the ingredients we use for our Potions are of European origin. This is all about African water plants that were collected by Sir Winogrand.'

Lily smiled. 'It's got a water lily on the cover.'

'Those are native to the African continent, yes.'

'I got my name because of Claude Monet's water lily paintings, did you know?'

'I didn't,' said Severus, genuinely surprised.

'Can you tell me its magical properties?'

'I don't know yet,' Severus answered. 'I do know that the petals of the flower contain the properties. Not the pads. Those are only good for slimy creatures to live on – and hide under. I think McDonald just grabbed Black by the twigs.'

Mary had indeed taken a hold of the tail of Sirius's broomstick. She was spinning him around like a whirlwind, causing him to bark in anger and the rest of the team to howl with laughter. 'This is more entertaining than I anticipated.' Severus's lips had curled into a smile. He didn't force them down this time.

'It is.' Lily handed Severus the book back. 'Thank you for coming out here.'

'You were right,' said Severus, 'back in the library. You're impossible to avoid.'

Lily beamed with pride. 'I try my darn hardest to make it so.'

From across the field, a flash of red flew straight at them with the speed of sound. With an obnoxious summersault, Potter came to a halt. 'Came to see me play again, miss Evans?' His wild dark hair was standing up straight, as though struck by lightning. His hazel eyes focussed entirely on her. Ignoring Severus's very existence.

'I'm here for Mary,' Lily responded with an air of boredom. 'She never fails to entertain me, unlike the rest of you.'

James ran his hands through his hair, making the impossible mess even messier. 'One of these days you'll go out with me, Evans.'

'Let me see,' said Lily, looking up into nothing. 'So far I've had a date with the Giant Squid. A centaur. Several cruppies. A family of bowtruckles and even a flubberworm. All who were more gentlemanlike and better company to me than you probably ever will.' She rested her hand on top of Severus's, whom she knew was clutching his wand that was hidden up his sleeve.

A grin etched itself on Potter's face. 'So you're saying there's a chance? At one point you can't go any lower than a flubberworm.'

'Happy to hear you're willing to be the dirt underneath my shoes, James,' said Lily. 'But there are also urchins. And plankton. And plants after that. Then there's still a whole list of inanimate objects who could probably excite me more me than a day with you will ever do.'

'I bet,' said Potter, who had, by the look on his face, probably interpreted her last sentence as a double entendre. 'I'll try my luck again next time.' With a graceful backflip, he dived down and pulled up just in time before smashing into the ground.

'Show-off,' Severus huffed. 'Why does he keep insisting on asking you out anyway?'

'He thinks it's a game. He asks me out, and I reject him in the most creative way possible. I think he _likes_ it.'

'He shouldn't treat you like a prize to be won.'

Lily looked at Severus. 'That's the nicest thing you've said to me in a very long time.'

'And I mean it.' He didn't look back at her. 'I better get going. I'll see you during Potion's tomorrow.' He made his way over to the staircase.

'We'll brew something together?'

' _Yes_ , we'll brew something together.'

* * *

A/N Severus Snape's etymology: "(…) It was also an accurate description of the desperately lonely and unhappy childhood he had with a harsh father who didn't hold back when it came to the whip." – J.K. Rowling, Pottermore.  
A/N _Windogrand's Wonderous Water Plants_ does have a water lily on its cover. I grew a little tired with Lily being compared to Lilium flowers. Mostly because I think they smell awful and give me headaches. [I am aware though, that Liliums are funeral flowers and therefore deeply symbolic in canon.]  
A/N The movies made it a tad confusing, but canonically James Potter was one of Gryffindor's Chasers. Not the Seeker. And to be fair, the thrill of the chase sounds a lot more exciting than circling around the field aimlessly in the hopes of catching a snitch.


	3. The Healing Power of Water

There was a bounce in Severus's step as he made his way towards the dungeons. The dark cloud that had lingered over his head had turned to drizzle. Even though there were still many words left unspoken, something in the balance of him and Lily had tilted. But still, there was danger in that, too. Even if by some miracle they would become friends again, they could never show it for the world to see.

He could never abandon the path that he had chosen for himself. He was in too deep. It had been Lucius Malfoy who had offered him a place to stay at his manor after graduation. It had been him who had recommended Severus's talents to the Dark Lord; with an emphasis on his talents, because he certainly wouldn't have chosen him for his Half-blood status. Severus had accepted the offer, as it meant food and shelter, a guaranteed job and most importantly, a chance to leave Cokeworth behind forever. There were too many painful memories tied to that industrious town. He needed to sever the ties. All of its ties – except Lily. She had tied his hands on his back with a knot he couldn't solve.

Mulciber and Rosier were following him at the heels as he entered Professor Slughorn's classroom. The Gryffindor's were already seated, and he searched around the room for Lily, thinking swiftly on how he could join her without it drawing too much attention to the two shadows behind him.

'Please – join miss Evans here, mister Snape,' said Slughorn as he pointed at a table in the middle. 'I need to see the two of you working together again.'

And the problem solved itself. Making it appear as though he was reluctant, he slumped down in the seat beside her. 'You wrote to Slughorn about this, haven't you?' he mumbled under his breath.

Lily nodded in confirmation. 'I asked him if he could make you sit with me again. He agreed.'

'You should've been in Slytherin,' said Severus. 'You are far too cunning for your own good.'

'A _second_ compliment from you,' said Lily, bobbing her head in approval. 'I'm honoured. Any idea what we're going to cover this year for our N.E. – never mind that, of course you do.'

'Alchemy,' said Severus, unable to hide his own excitement. 'We're going to cover the hermetic principles of the four basic elements over the next couple of weeks. Hopefully we'll go more in depth after –'

'Nerd,' Lily coughed under her breath.

'I know you well enough to know that you like this as much as I do.'

'Still a nerd.'

'We'll be covering the hermetic principles of the four basic elements over the next few weeks.' A piece of chalk was writing along with Professor Slughorn's words on the blackboard. 'Can anyone tell me what the four basic elements are?'

Lily shot her hand up in the air. 'Earth, air, fire and water, sir.'

'Well said, miss Evans,' said Slughorn. 'Next time, please wait your turn before you speak.'

'Who's the nerd now?'

'Oh hush, Severus.'

'The symbols for the four elements – copy this down please, for the elements are as followed.' The piece of chalk drew four triangles on the blackboard. 'The downward-pointing triangle symbolised water. The other downward-pointing triangle with a line through the middle is earth. The upward-pointing triangle is fire, and the upward-pointing triangle with a line through the middle is air. Remember this because you'll find these symbols back during your N.E.W.T.s written exam. We're going to start our lecture today on the first one; water. The element connected to Slytherin's house. Now, can anyone tell me some facts about water – you, miss Macdonald.'

'It's the base for most of the potions we brew,' Mary answered.

'Excellent. You, mister Lupin?'

Remus Lupin hesitated to answer. 'Low and high tide are caused by the gravitational pull of the moon.'

'And without the ocean's currents, life on earth may not be possible,' Slughorn added. 'Well said, mister Lupin. Mister Rosier?'

'A cure for hangovers.' Several snickers echoed through the classroom. 'Unless there's a potion for it that I'm unaware of.'

'If there was, water would definitely its base ingredient,' said Slughorn, laughing along. 'Anyone else? Mister Snape?'

'Water is symbolically persistent,' he answered. 'Rivers take years upon years to form, and yet it carves its way through rock, destroying everything that came before in its path.'

Slughorn looked pleased. 'Wonderfully said, mister Snape. And a very applicable philosophy to the members of Slytherin's House as well.'

'You're right,' Lily whispered as Slughorn continued to ask questions. 'You are a bit like a river.'

Severus raised an eyebrow. 'How am _I_ like a river?'

'Because you're persistent.'

 _Not nearly enough_ , Severus thought to himself.

'And you slowly carve your way into things,' Lily continued. 'Into Hogwarts. Into Slytherin. Into my family. Into your own place in this world.' _Into my soul as well_.

'Your family?'

They miss you – especially dad. He likes having you around.'

'I'm not going back to Cokeworth for Christmas, if that's what you're asking.'

'You never have, nor do I expect you will.'

'Lily, what is it you're asking of –'

'—as a surprise for all of you,' Slughorn interrupted, 'we're going on a little fieldtrip next week. We won't go far. We'll make our way over to the Great Lake and then we're going to go _in it_. In it, yes. To fully understand water, we are going to immerse ourselves in it. From the Lake we are going to collect water plants that can be used as potion ingredients, and we'll be putting them to use over the next few weeks.'

'How exactly are we going to go into the Lake, Professor?' asked Mary.

'With the use of Gillyweed,' said Slughorn. 'Professor Sprout has kindly provided us with a rare supply of it.'

Lily nudged Severus in the ribs. 'What's Gillyweed?'

'I read about it in Sapworthy's book,' said Severus. 'It's a slimy plant found in the Mediterranean Sea. If you eat it, you'll grow gills for a limited amount of time.'

'So it's like Muggle diving,' said Lily, 'only a lot better. This is going to be fun.'

'It will be. Especially if I can harvest some ingredients for my own potion supplies.'

A twinkle formed in Lily's eyes. 'There's the Severus I know. What else do you think – hey, where are you going?'

'Look on the board,' he said while waving in the general direction of Professor Slughorn. 'I'll get the ingredients for the assignment, and since you like stoking fires so much, you can light the fire underneath the cauldron.'

…o0o…

 _Running_. Many years ago, even before his first encounter with Lily, Severus had been watching people. People had often crinkled their nose at his presence, so he resorted to hide behind bushes, trees, fences and walls…and watched.

He had seen people walking their dogs. People fighting. Comforting each other. The young ones in a hurry. The elderly taking their time. Couples making love to each other in the park once the sun had gone down. But nothing had fascinated him more than those who were running. Sometimes in groups, sometimes alone, people would run from point A to point B, only to return to point A again. Desperate to understand the meaning of it, he had once gathered all his courage together, and walked up to a lady who had been running around the park. _To clear my head little duck_ , she had told him with a smile, and disappeared around the corner. He had been running after since. It made him feel like he was flying.

After today's lesson with Lily, he needed to clear his head. Dressed in the most loose-fitting Muggle clothes he owned, he made his way out to the Grounds and sprinted his way towards the edge of the Forbidden Forest. The pleasant scent of dry soil lingered in the air, and it pulled the negative spirals in his mind down into the ground as he ran.

Running did more than clear his head. It had become a way to push his boundaries. To ignore and overcome the sharp stinging in his ribs after running a mile longer than the previous day. For now, he ran his way around the Great Lake, feeling the natural high coursing through his veins. He circled the Lake again and again and again, until dinner in the Great Hall had been served, the students had gone up to their dormitories, and the sun had gone to rest behind the Scottish mountains.

Sweat was dripping down to the tips of his hair when he returned to the Slytherin dormitory. Most of his housemates had already gone off to sleep. He tip-toed his way down to the showers, tossed off the clothes that clung to his skin and twisted the cold tap. Steam rose from his body as he stepped underneath the icy-cold water. He rested his head against the dark-green tiles, welcoming the cooling sensation.

 _Pyromaniac_. Images of Lily were seeping through the cracks of his mind. _Swaying as the wind. Self-centered. Proud._ He banged his head against the tiles. ' _Get out_ ,' he gritted through his teeth. ' _Get out. Get out. Get out_!' _The fire ignited underneath my heart_.

Tears were rolling down his cheeks. He wanted to be near her, down to his very core, he wanted to be near her. And her wanted to be far from her, as far away as possible. _Impossible woman_. The salty taste of his tears touched his lips, and quickly he rinsed them off, cleansing himself from the feelings she instilled in him. The mention of her family had been the hardest blow. Down to the red hair and the green eyes, her father looked just like her. Had welcomed him with open arms since the first time he set foot over the threshold of her family's home. Had allowed him to spent nights sleeping on their couch. Fed him. Ran with him. Helped him – and _never_ took pity on him. Her father had taught him that not all men were evil. Some were capable of healing, too.

By the time he was certain he had no more tears left to cry, he dried himself off, put on his ragged pyjamas and crawled into his four-poster bed. With a rough pull on the curtains, he shrouded himself in darkness. ' _Lumos_.' With the tip of his wand he conjured a tiny ball of light above his head. He never liked being surrounded by complete darkness. There were no distractions in the dark that could take his mind away from her. He looked up at the light, radiating like a tiny little star. _Spirited. Intoxicating. Self-sacrificing. Inevitable_.

With the light shimmering in his eyes, he drifted away under the surface of slumber, not knowing that high above him at the very top of the Gryffindor tower, Lily was lying in bed, staring at the exact same light.

* * *

A/N The term 'nerd' is derived from 'nert' meaning stupid or nutcase. The term was popularised in 1970s sitcoms to characterise people who have an obsession with matters of interest.  
A/N 'Duck' had has got to be my favourite British pet name.


	4. What the Lake Gave Us

High up in the Gryffindor tower, Lily had cracked open the window and sat in the windowsill. The view stretched out for miles on end, far beyond the Forest and the Lake. Severus had been but a mere speck down below, but she still watched him going around the Lake in circles, clearing his mind.

She knew she was hurting him. She could always tell by the number of circles he was running how bad it was. And yet, a darker part inside of her knew that it was as necessary in order to break through the wall he had built between them. A wall she had _helped_ him built, she reminded herself. She whispered quiet apologies at him, her words carried away by the wind.

Very little else was shared between them over the course of the week. They brewed their potions. Shared their soil during Herbology. Practised defensive spells during Defence Against the Dark Arts on each other. Lily had loved Herbology the most, mostly because she enjoyed watching Severus digging his slender fingers into the soil, engrossed in his work. He knew how to make things grow. Most of her plants would only wither under her touch.

…o0o…

The day had come for their fieldtrip in the waters of the Great Lake. Early in the morning, a sudden cloudburst had turned the Grounds to mud. The harsh downpour hadn't stopped by the time the students of Slughorn's class had arrived by the edge of the Lake.

Everyone was soaked and chilled to the core by the time they had reached the tent Professor Slughorn and Professor Sprout had set up. 'Girls, you may change into your bathing suits over here,' said Professor Sprout while pointing at a curtain. 'Boys, you go over there. 'You'll be out in the water in ten!'

'You haven't changed,' said Lily, who joined Severus at the edge of the Lake after changing into her bathing suit. Severus carefully avoided her gaze, knowing that her presence in this state would stir feelings in him he held very little control over.

'Got your wand strapped to your arm?' he asked. He was picking at the loose threads on his father's old military sweater.

Lily held up her arm. 'Strapped and ready.'

'Please, cup your hands in front of you,' said Slughorn. 'In a moment, Professor Sprout will be handing you a few sprigs of the Gillyweed. Remember – and this is important! Gillyweed will allow you to breathe under water for roughly an hour. Professor Sprout and I will be up here, making sure that everyone returns safely to the surface.'

A bundle of slimy grey-green sprigs was dropped into their hands. 'You have to swallow it _whole_ ,' Sprout warned. 'The taste is as unpleasant as it looks. Please refrain from the urge to gag.'

'Once swallowed,' Slughorn continued, 'you will start to grow gills on the side of your neck. Webbing will appear between your fingers and toes and your body will adapt to the temperatures of the cold water. Given the rainy circumstances, it'll be more pleasant down there than here up above.'

'Try to collect as many different water plants as you can,' said Sprout. 'Also, be alert of the creatures that live there. Headmaster Dumbledore has notified the Merpeople of your arrival, but that doesn't mean that they'll be pleased with your company. You're better off leaving them alone. Mister Hagrid has guaranteed us that the Giant Squid won't cause any harm.'

'It's going to be dark down below,' said Slughorn. 'Make sure you have your wands securely strapped against your arm so you can use it to light your way. Good luck!'

Lily looked down at the slimy bundle in her hands. _Bottom's up_ , she thought. She brought the Gillyweed to her mouth; the taste of salt dominated her taste buds as she felt the sprigs wiggling their way down her throat. 'Severus, will you stay with me?'

'Need me to prevent you from doing anything foolish?'

'Sev, please.'

The sound of his old nickname sent a shiver down his spine. 'I'll stay with you.'

'Thank you.'

Lily felt her fingers stretching out by the webs that were growing in between. It became harder to breathe with each breath she drew and figured it was time to jump into the water. With a graceful jump, she dove in head-first. The splash behind her insured her that Severus had followed.

She saw how Severus turned around on his back, looking up at the surface. The rain was clattering hard on the Lake, obscuring their vision in an eerily, but also beautiful manner. ' _I love magic_ ,' she said. Her voice sounded foreign and restrained under water.

' _If I had a Sickle…_ '

'… _you would've bought me a horse_.'

An old memory resurfaced. Her mother had insisted on teaching her and her sister to ride horses. Her mother had been taught by her mother, and her mother before that. It had been the proper thing to do. And she had loved it, and her sister had too. Even after the rift that had been caused by magic between her and Petunia, they still shared their love for horses. The struggle, the fights, _the differences_...all lay forgotten when they galloped their way to the woods. Severus had accompanied her, from time to time. He never cared much for horses, but he cared for being in the woods, and so he had learnt how ride along with her.

Tearing herself away from the image of the rain-scattered surface, she spun around. ' _Lumos_.'

' _Follow me_ ,' said Severus. He led her to the trench, his wand held up high above his head. Down there, there was nothing but a place the sunlight couldn't touch.

' _Will we find the plants we need down there_?' she asked.

Severus shook his head. ' _The Slytherin common room is down there. I figured you may like to see it_.'

' _I would like to_ ,' said Lily.

They came across a large school of Plimpies feasting on water snails. They reminded her of the times they had used Plimpy eyes in the creation of several potions, and felt a little spark of guilt rise in her heart, knowing that the Plimpies they had used had been fished out of the Lake for it.

After a minute or two, they had reached the moss-covered rooftops of the Slytherin dungeons. Even from above, the dungeons appeared as a maze. The moss danced around in the current, tickling at the bottom of their webbed feet.

' _Over here_ ,' said Severus with a wave. They swam their way towards a glass dome. ' _That's the common room_.'

Lily pressed her nose against the glass, looking down at the Slytherin common room from above. _Organic_ , she thought to herself. Floating candles and fireflies lit up the room. She could see a pool in the middle, steam rising from the heat, the dark stones around it covered by ivy. Spiralling dark-wooded staircases on each side led to a small library, and a large open hearth surrounded by large leather chairs. ' _I can see why you enjoy spending your time in here_ ,' she said.

' _Down here is my dormitory_ ,' he said while pointing at the nothingness below. Lily followed him further down and looked through a small circular window. It was clear which bed belonged to him. The other boys had their belongings scattered everywhere, but not Severus. The sheets on his bed were neatly folded. The few possessions he owned were perfectly lined up in his shelf. Most of it were books. Most of them had been gifts from her.

' _Disciplined as ever_ ,' she said.

' _You know it puts my mind at ease_.'

He had done it to her belongings as well. Whenever he came over to visit her at her home, she would find him realigning the posters of her favourite rock stars on the walls in her room. Her vinyl records in alphabetical order, as well as her books. On a particularly bad day, he would even toss her clothes from the closet onto the floor, only to fold it up back again. She would let him, and his hands would tremble by the shame of it all.

' _We better start collecting the things we need_.' She didn't want to be reminded of his impossible attempts at finding order in the chaos. It shattered her heart watching him trying to, unable to give him answers. Unable to make him stop.

She followed him again, trailing after a school of Lobalugs he had found amongst the seaweed. ' _If we can provoke them enough, maybe we could extract some of their venom sacks. Their venom is highly valuable and useful for potions_.'

' _And strictly controlled by the Wizengamot_ ,' Lily answered, unable to hide her grin. ' _But not that that's ever stopped you before_.'

Riling up the Lobalugs proved to be a rather difficult task. The little melon-shaped creatures preferred to seek shelter in the Merpeople's settlement, rather than defend themselves. Remembering Professor Sprout's warning, they figured it they were better off leaving them alone.

Severus had started collecting sprigs from several different water plants along the way. He knew what he was looking for. Lily didn't. She dived deeper and deeper until the light from the tip her wand bounced back, hitting the very bottom of the Lake. She turned around on her back, her shoulders touching the coarse sand as she looked up. She watched as Severus swam around between the rocks, his long black hair dancing around him like a waterfall, frantically pulling out plants from the crevasses.

' _Sev, show me what you found_.' He couldn't avoid looking at her now.

The hesitation was prominent in his eyes, but he couldn't ignore her. She knew he couldn't. Slowly, he swam his way over to her. He didn't stop until he hovered several inches above her face.

_Unconventionally handsome_. Any romantic thoughts regarding Severus had always been pushed far inside the back of her mind. The last thing she needed was to ruin the perfect friendship they had built over the years, had it been nothing but a mere crush. A mere crush, she wasn't so certain about that anymore. He had been a part of her daily life for nearly a decade. A life without him would be as dark as the Lake they were drifting under. She needed him, but beside her or inside of her, she wasn't sure of that yet.

' _Lily, your mind is wandering_.'

_So is yours, Sev. I can tell because your dark-brown eyes turn to black_. ' _How much time have we got left_?' _Eyes as dark as soil_.

' _I'd say about fifteen minutes_.'

' _Join me_.'

' _We've played around enough already_ ,' he said sternly. ' _I'm not your servant. Go get your own plants_.'

Bubbles rose up from the sides of her neck as she laughed. ' _Yes, sir_ ,' she said, saluting him. ' _Light the way_.'

She rolled around again, ready to follow him, but something had caught his eye, leaving him transfixed. ' _Have you seen this_?'

From the place Lily had been lying, something silvery white, as bright as a star, was shimmering. With his fingers, Severus carefully dug around in the sand until a ring became visible. ' _Looks like elm leaves,_ ' he said as looked at the band, which appeared to be made entirely out of tiny leaves.

' _Could be an old wedding ring_ ,' said Lily, more impressed by the stone set in it. It was a remarkably yellow gem; as if light was trapped inside of it.

Severus reached out for it, but Lily stopped him by placing her hand on top of his, remembering Molly Weasley's words of warning about touching magical things without knowing its source.

Too late.

He had closed his fist around it. Her hand glued to his as a sudden current swept them away. Everything around them started spinning out of control. ' _Let it go_!' she screamed.

' _I can't_!' he screamed back.

The sensation was sickening. It wasn't anything like a Portkey, this was worse. The pressure of the Lake was knocking the air out of their gills. Lily could feel that her hand had started to slip.

' _Don't let go_!' Severus pleaded. ' _Lily…please…'_

One by one, her fingers started to detach themselves from his hand. She tried to reach for him with her other hand, but she couldn't, the current was too strong. She saw the look of fear etched into his eyes as she slipped away.

' _SEV!_ ' she screamed at the top of her lungs.

' _LILY! NO! COME BACK…_ '

The last thing she saw was Severus being swept away by a different current. ' _Lily, find me_!' After that, everything went black.

* * *

A/N The Ring: I picked elm leaves because Treebeard/Fangorn is (speculated) to be an Elm tree. The yellow diamond is a reference to Hufflepuff. On April 25th, 2014 someone on Twitter asked Rowling what the gems in Hufflepuff's hourglass were. She answered with: "Diamonds, of course. Because that's what Hufflepuff's are (some a little rougher than others)."  
A/N There's a website called It shows an interactive map of Middle-Earth. Since we'll be roaming around a lot in the story, it may come in handy.  
A/N I based the idea of the Slytherin common room on a drawing made by Eliott Chacoco on DeviantArt. An amazing artist who interpreted all the common rooms in a unique way.


	5. Not abandoned! + Important message

A/N Sorry that it's taking so long for me to update this story.

  
My father unexpectedly passed away (heart attack, not COVID-19 related) and I've been really busy arranging things that come with that. I haven't been able to focus much lately which I'm sure you all will understand.

Just know that I love this story (and the ideas that I have accumulated for it over the past few months) and I will definitely continue it once I'm in the right mindset again.

If you have loving parents, please, call them up and tell them that you love them. My father passed away at 58. Old age is not a given.

Our last words were fighting words. You don't want to have that weighing on your heart. I had to learn this the hard way. Don't let this happen to you.


End file.
